The somewhat humorous story of Achilles and LOTR
by Ladyofthewoodhomiefoo
Summary: This story is funny to my friends and I and i felt like writing it, so don't judge me! Ok...its basically pretty random and funny, so if you like random humor you will enjoy this story greatly. If you don't i wouldn't suggest flaming it or reading it, cuz
1. Default Chapter

Achilles looked up at the bright blue sky. His thoughts traveled to the war he had just fought. A boy suddenly came into his sight.

"My, Lord!" he cried. "King Agamemnon wishes to speak to you!"

"What does he want boy?" cried Achilles as he watched the boy come closer.

"He wasn't specific…but it sounded urgent, like a new war," said the boy as he came up the Achilles.

"You know I hate that man," said Achilles with a frown.

"I'm sorry my lord, those were his orders," the boy replied with the terror of knowing that Achilles could strike him down at any fell movement.

"Do not fear me boy. I only kill men in war or those who threaten to kill me," Achilles said as he witnessed the fear in the young boy. The boy was only around 12 and was not even old enough to wield a sword.

"Yes my lord, but please, go to the king," said the boy.

"Where is he?" asked Achilles.

"He is far away….you must ride many miles to find him.

"Where is he?" he repeated. The boy looked to the ground.

"I'm not quite sure. I was only told to get you and give you this map," said the boy. The boy handed Achilles the map. "I take my leave my lord. I bid you good luck." And with that he rode away. Achilles examined the map. It showed a way to Thessaly, Greece. "Thessaly is not far from here," he said to himself. "Why did he say that it would be a long journey?"

Achilles mounted his horse and quickly began to ride in the direction of Thessaly.

After a few hours he came upon a patch of grass. A tree lay to the side of the patch. Achilles walked over to the tree and knocked on it. 'It's hollow' he thought to himself. He looked around the tree and spotted a wooden knob. He turned it to reveal a passage to ANOTHER WORLD! He stepped through the passage and found himself in a land of green grass and little houses that were barely holes.

"Where is this place?" he asked himself out loud.

"Why, you're in Hobbiton," said a little voice from behind him.

Achilles turned to see a very short person behind him with curly brown hair and a lot of brown curly hair on his feet. The little person looked at him with abnormally large and bright blue eyes.

"What are you?" asked Achilles in a somewhat frightened tone.

"Well, I'm a hobbit, you know a Halfling, a shirefolk," said the little person.

"Um…" said Achilles as he started at the hobbit.

Achilles look around him. The streets were beginning to fill with many little people. They were all busy about their morning chores and work. Each of them had their own little job in that "seemed to be" tiny little city.

"I don't think I'm in Greece anymore," murmured Achilles.

"Where is Greece?" asked the hobbit with a confused look on his face.

"Well, I don't think you would know where that is," said Achilles, now a bit frightened. "What is your name hobbit?" he asked in a stern voice.

"Frodo," said the hobbit a little frightened.

Achilles pulled out his sword, "Listen here hobbit, I don't know where I am and I will kill the first Greek who sent me here, which was probably Agamemnon."

"Aaga-who?" asked Frodo.

"Do you have a king little hobbit?" asked Achilles.

"No, we don't have a king in hobbiton, or the Shire," said Frodo. "Now if you excuse me I have to be reading behind that tree so I can jump out and scare Gandalf."

"Gandalf?" asked Achilles.

"Yes, he is a cool wizard," said Frodo as he listened for some really bad singing.

"On the road again! I can't wait to get on the road again! Blah Blah I can't remember the rest of the song!" Sang a voice who was really out of tune.

Achilles pulled out his sword and looked around suspiciously. "What is that fell sound?" he asked. All of a sudden this really ugly man who sings really bad popped out of nowhere and started singing gospel songs.

"I serve Him!" the man cried. Achilles looked at him and stabbed him through the shoulder with his blade. The man fell to the ground and died.

"Who was that?" asked Frodo with his eyes even wider than normal since he had just witnessed a murder being committed so fast and furiously.

"I have no idea, but I didn't like his attitude," said Achilles with a weird smile.

"You're late!" screamed Frodo angrily.

"A wizard is never late Frodi! Gosh! And don't take my tots today!" screamed Gandalf as he stashed his tots into his robes.

"Dangit! Foiled again! I'll get your tots someday!" yelled Frodo as he ran to give Gandalf a hug.

Achilles watch them in their foolery as he would call it. These people from the Shire were so foolhardy in his eyes. They knew nothing of war or about any of its advantages.

"Get of me you freak GOSH!" screamed Gandalf.

"But Gandy I thought you loved me!" cried Frodo. All of a sudden Hector pops out of no where.

"Yo! I'm the almighty Hector and this is my brother Paris," said Hector.

"Where is Paris?" asked Achilles relieved to see some people that were from his region of the "world".

"Right here," said Hector as he pulled Paris out of his manskirt.

Achilles gave him a strange look. "What is wrong with you people? Is this supposed to be some kind of humorous story?"

"Actually yes," said Persaus who popped out of no where and gave Achilles a kiss. "You're still alive my love!" she cried as she hit his knee.

"What the heck," Achilles said as he slapped a tree. The tree suddenly woke up and peed on him.

"BY THUNDER!" cried the tree, as it suddenly turned into Long John Silver. "Let's go find us some treasure you pirate scum!"

"WTF!" cried all the other people.

"What is wrong with this story?" asked Achilles as he watched Frodo and Gandalf yelling, The tree turning from a tree to Long John Silver, and Hector pull Paris in and out of his 'manskirt'.

"NOTHING!" the all cried angrily at him.

"I love you!" cried Persaus as she gave him a kiss. Achilles started making out with her.

"You guys are weird," said the tree. "Maybe we should start this story over."

Suddenly everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the tree angrily.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they all cried as the came toward the tree with axes and swords.

Achilles came at the tree with his sword and chopped it. Everyone cheered for him.

"Yay! You defeated the evil tree! All hale Achilles!" they all cried.

"Will you all remember my name?" Achilles asked them.

"Sure, unless we all get too drunk to remember our own names," they all replied as they began to take out their rum. Suddenly Jack Sparrow pops out of nowhere.

"Where's that rum!" he asked extatically.

"Right here," said Frodo as he held up a case of 100 rums, or whatever.

"Yay! Rum!" cried Jack as he guzzled all 100 bottles at once.

This concludes chapter 1 of my completely random story


	2. The chapter that is supposed to come aft...

"I'm bored," said Achilles as he watched Jack drink his 1000000000000000 bottle of rum.

"I'm sooooooo drunk!" yelled Jack as he danced around with a tree.

"What is it with you and trees?" asked Achilles.

"This ain't no tree! This is my girl Lizabeth!" screamed Jack as he made out with the tree.

"Dude…that is sooo a tree," said Frodo as he watched everyone get drunk. He had pretended to get drunk so he could later pick pocket all of them and then run away with their money and get a place in Gondor.

"Frodo! I love you!" cried Sam as he hugged a nearby mailbox.

"I hate you!" yelled Frodo as he knocked Sam out and stole all his money.

"FRODO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CHEAP CONJURER OF SOMETHING I CAN'T REMEMBER! YOU HAVE TO GO ON SOME LAME MISSION TO DESTROY THE RING OF POWER!" yelled Gandalf as he smacked Frodo upside the head with his staff. Frodo fell over unconscious. Gandalf then began to yell at the grass because he thought it was Frodo.

"Yo! Sup everyone? You all ready to come to my fo shizzle party?" asked Bilbo as he came disco dancing up the hill. Everyone looked at him and then screamed. "What's wrong with you people?"

"Yo we're sooo drunk!" said Paris as he jumped into Hector's pants.

"Dude…Bilbo! Sup!" asked Gandalf suddenly.

"Dude…Gandalf the ring is mine! And now I'm gonna put it on and disappear with it! Mwahahahahahaha!" yelled Bilbo as he put on a plastic fake ring and began running around in circles.

"Bilbo…the ring is on the ground…wait the ring is on the ground! Ahh!" screamed Gandalf as he grabbed the ring and threw it in the fire.

"What are you doing!" asked Frodo as he threw a bottle of rum at Jack who was now break dancing with his tree.

"I'm trying to show you all the beautiful writing on the ring!" screamed Gandalf as he jumped into the fire. "I got the ring!"

"YAY!" yelled everyone when they saw the ring.

"What does it say?" asked Achilles who was now actually interested.

"It says: 3 rings for the Elvish dudes who don't drink rum

5000000000 rings for dwarves who are stupid

200000000000000 rings for men who are really good cooks

and 23 rings for that dude Sauron on his coolio throne.

"Dude…that is sooo not what it says," said Frodo as he attempted to steal the ring.

Anyway….you'll all have to tune in later for the next chapter cuz I don't wanna write anymore…plus I'm in computers class and I don't have much time left…


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